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diary of a hungry girl after mouth surgery

A month or two before I went to Japan I was at the dentist and they mentioned that I'd need my wisdom teeth taken out soon.

That was about five years ago.

I finally got them out on Friday and so far things have been pretty good. Obviously I'm not fully healed, but I am looking forward to finding out what it feels like to NOT have a constant dull, throbbing pain in my jaws. My mom came to town Thursday night and we got together with a couple friends for my "last meal" of sushi. I cherish that memory now because I'm always hungry. (T____T) My diet has consisted of mashed potatoes, yogurt, pudding, and broth soup. Oh, and some soft serve my mom got for me Friday night. <3

...while she ate a delicious smelling pizza. (I told her it was fine.)

Today I ventured out for the first time on my own because I needed more painkillers and food. I'm pretty happy that I am now able to eat chunky soups and mac & cheese, albeit carefully. I've already told my friends the first big meal I want is a fucking cheeseburger. I miss proteins. I've been carefully nibbling on bits of chicken in some of the soups but it can't compare to a nice, juicy slab of beef. Not to mention when I open my freezer I see WAFFLES. And edamame.

My surgery itself went pretty well, you could say. I don't know, I was semi-conscious for most of it. I was awake but relaxed and had my eyes closed the whole time, and I felt nothing. It was the most relaxing experience I've ever had. And even when they were done and the nurse was helping me to the recovery area it just felt like I was a little drunk. The most annoying part of it all was having to change my gauze every half hour. I think I was lucky that my bleeding pretty much stopped a little after midnight so I said "fuck it" to the gauze because it was causing a lot of stress on my jaw, constantly keeping them in. I'd say that hurt more than anything else.

No dry socket yet but I'm holding my breath. The nurse said they never exposed any of my nerves so I think I have less of a chance of it happening.

Oh, and one of the best things? My mom completely cleaned my apartment while I was in and out of sleep on Friday. It looks amazing. She cleaned, she rearranged, organized. Now I'd like to keep it this way.

I get to go back to work tomorrow. ;( Poopoo.

hello, adulthood

After almost 10 years of having the same model/type of car, I FINALLY got a new (to me) car for the first time in my life!

I went from a 2001 Pontiac Grand Am with 143k miles on it to a 2013 Honda Civic with around 29k miles.

Still can't really believe it's happened. Like I said, I went so long driving the same sort of car that it's all I know. I don't know what it's like to have a reliable car that you don't need pricey maintenance work on 2-3 times a year. In the last half year alone I think I dropped about $800 on that stupid car. The problems it was having were just so stupid. After my wreck three years ago, I wasn't ready to let go of my first Grand Am, and I didn't think I could afford much more (probably true) so I got a model that was almost exactly the same, just a year newer than the previous one. It only took a few more months of driving that around to feel that perhaps I had finally outgrown the car of my teenage years.

I never had a car from the same decade I'm living in. I never had a car with less than 100k mileage. And I DEFINITELY had never owned a car that my phone could hook up to. (o___o) I've never had a car that DOESN'T cause me to stress out before the 5h road trips to see my family in St. Louis. I've even got a pretty nice waranty on it, along with a maintenance package for two years and free car washes for basically ever.

Even though it's a used car it still has a little bit of new car smell. <3 It doesn't have a sunroof but that's a sacrifice I was willing to make for all of the other great features, like the bluetooth capability, which allows me to listen to my Beats subscription in the car. Amazing.

Another nice thing is I don't think my ex is going to recognize me if our cars cross paths on the road.

I feel safe. I have a car that I love and damn, did I deserve it.

I have a grown-up car and my quality of life has gone up immensely. Even if I do have a monthly car payment now, it's very much worth it.

I always say how much I need to get back to keeping this journal alive, to remember the things I am doing. Am I doing much? Not totally.

I don't really have good pictures of the car to post yet, so maybe I'll try to do that before I leave my mom's tomorrow morning.

I hate my job.

That's pretty much my life for a while.

I'll try to substantially update later. I've got a bad video game addiction that's cutting into my sleeping habits.

I just want to sleep all the time. And work is killing me. I hate it. I really, really hate it. I want to do JET. But I do NOT want to leave my furbaby behind or put him through the torture of air travel.

I'm so frustrated.


I've realized there are two types of boredom in life.

Short-term boredom is the usual, everyday boredom. It can be cured with a video game. A book. A TV show or movie. Hanging out with friends.

I've been experiencing long-term boredom. It happens when you find yourself stuck in the rut of everyday, unchanging routine. It leads me to commit acts of complete spontaneity, like deciding to chat up the new guy at work simply because I can, or reaching out to old friends I never truly got along with.

I cannot be here anymore. I need to make a change. My job is slowly killing me. Winter is taking its toll, even though I feel more prepared for it this year. Bowser isn't as snuggly as normal. He's gotten jealous of Jane and it seems like he doesn't sleep in the bed with me much now.

Maybe I should have upped my dosage after all.


summertime and the livin is easy

I'm here, I'm alive, I've never been better.

I keep meaning to post a bigger update but I have loads of distractions. I'm playing about 4-5 different PS3 games, have a brand new iPhone 4s with my Kairosoft apps, my best friend is in town for a month from Sweden with her bb girl (my niece!), and I'm juggling about 5-6 different boys along with work and most recently, being sick with a cold and twisting my ankle (which has gotten better).

But I'm loving life and I have my trusty kitty cat lazing next to me.

I'm trying to sell some things right now, so if you're interested in anything, check out pikojapansales.

I'm also trying to sell this denki jisho and am willing to negotiate the price in a reasonable manner:

i want nyannyan snuggles

The best thing to come out of my failed relationship, aside from all of the great things that happened when he broke up with me...

...was this little guy.

Next month he'll be a year old. I can't believe how big he's gotten.

I'm trying

In a mere matter of weeks, everything has been reversed.

We're broken up again. He only wants to be friends for now. I knew things were moving too fast before. But I was happy. And he seemed happy. But he wasn't getting better. And I've relapsed.

I'm taking it so, so hard.

I'm trying not to pop too many pills.

I'm trying not to start an addiction.

I'm trying to remember my cat needs me.

I'm trying not to swallow all of my meds with a bottle of NyQuil.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't do anything but cry. I'm stuck.

We'll be together again someday. I know we will. We're perfect together. But I didn't think I'd have to do any more waiting after last time.

knocked down, cried out

There's been a lot going on with Will. My medications. I'm happier, generally. I felt like life was getting better.

Then my mom called me on April 1st to tell me French Fry has cancer. It was not an April Fool's joke. And I didn't even bother asking because that's just...cruel, and as crazy as my mom is, she wouldn't do that to me.

This has been at the forefront of my mind. I wanted to come down that weekend but knew I had to prepare for my apartment inspection, so I made plans to come down the weekend after. Knowing that my mom would be in Iowa helped sweeten it. I'd get time with my Frenchie and not have to deal with her shenanigans.

At first I fought it. I asked about operation options. I knew money was an issue with my mom since she filed for bankruptcy, but I was fully prepared to look into my options and whip out my credit cards. Anything for my baby, my best friend. But my mom talked me out of it, and I accepted our decision. He's a cat and he wouldn't understand why we'd be putting him through so much pain, and besides, she said, the cancer's spread through his body. All we can do is make his last days happy and comfortable, and take comfort ourselves in knowing that he has had a VERY good life where he has been loved and doted upon.

I thought I'd be prepared to see him but the minute I came inside and hugged him I felt nothing but bones. He's lost so much weight - the cat I once referred to as Chunkers McFlufferton now has a spine that I can feel every bone on. The worst was when I went to feed him, though. He opened his mouth twice to speak but nothing came out. And then it happened - a weak, weak, high-pitched cry. It should have been no different from the past - where he would whine for food whenever someone was in the kitchen - but now it sounds so desperate and sad. I broke down immediately realizing how weak he really was and reality set in.

It was a rough night for me. I couldn't stop crying. Back when my mom would allude to French Fry dying one day in the future (yeah, one of many reasons I don't like talking with her), I would brush her off and tell her he was invincible and would never die. In the back of my mind I knew I was fronting, but I never thought he would go like this. I thought he'd live to the ripe old age of 17 or 18 and just...die of old age. Not cancer at age 12/13.

I had to help him up into bed, but we snuggled all night until sleeping, when he jumped off the bed as he always did in the past. I found him in the morning sleeping on the living room rug, then had my heart broken continuously as he meowed for breakfast in the kitchen, fed him, and we cuddled more while I ate breakfast and watched Spongebob.

I spent much of the day with Nancy and my cousins but couldn't stop thinking about him. I finally got home around 6:00 after dinner. Fed him again, and then he came to visit me on the couch. He seemed to have some of his energy back and looked like he wanted to jump up on the couch but was still unable to, so I picked him up. (;o;) But he's sleeping now on my legs, which have fallen asleep.

He's still the French Fry I adored for the past decade and then some. I don't know if this will be the last weekend I get to see him. It would be great if his appetite came back more, but I know that's not how it works with cancer, especially in cats. I just want him to be happy, and I know hanging out with him and giving him loves and snuggles are all he wants.

koi wa baby, aji wa baby~ koi wa miruku aji

It's been a while since Valentine's Day, but Will got me chocolate and flowers for the first time in our relationship. He made me a steak dinner and we went out to Warm Bodies that Friday. Pretty good day.

We've had a few date nights when we can since Thursday night, and we negotiated with Trav to take the morning part of his Saturday shift so we could have a morning together. It was well needed. I'm taking tomorrow morning off; Tuesdays kind of suck because he has to work until close but I feel more at ease now. And work hasn't been great for him lately either. But we'll get by. We always do. <3

Bowser somehow opened a hole up in the fabric protecting our bed foundation (the side facing the floor, which is elevated by a metal frame). For a while I thought it was only the foot of the bed, and the wooden planks inside still made it difficult to peer into. I figured he had a bunch of toys stashed away in there. We often hear him scratching at the inside of the foundation, and Will joked one morning that Bowser has been hard at work. It gives new meaning to "monster under the bed."

Last night I dropped something behind the bed, so I had to pull it out from the wall to find it. Upon doing this I realized that the entire wall-side of the foundation fabric seam has been torn off...and I was able to get a good look at Bowser's hiding place.

Did I say hiding place?

It's his lair.

He was laying in it when I discovered I could look in. There are little cotton balls everywhere, probably what he's tearing down whenever I hear his scratching at the sides. (Occasionally he'll walk around with them in his mouth and I'll have to pull them out - I wondered where they were coming from.) It was like looking at a hoarder's place. XD I wish I could take pictures and share. It was kind of a shock seeing this side of my cat. He looked a little bit annoyed with me when I was gaping in awe at his cat-cave. Surprisingly, no toys were found within the foundation.

I was so excited to show Will. I've never seen anything like it before. He was just as amused by it as I was.

When my tax refund came in I ordered Bowz a small kitty condo (it's more of a scratching post with a little cubby) that should be here tomorrow, but we're also supposed to have a snowstorm. I've been so excited about it but probably won't get it until Wednesday. =(

I'll come back to rant about work later this week. Hopefully things will quiet down when I don't have to be setting up interviews anymore.

productivity at its finest

Thank god I woke up this morning at a decent time and with the proper mindset of "cleaning." Last weekend was a bust due to girl problems, but the times before that I woke up and didn't feel like doing anything but play games. Today I woke up, took a quick shower, helped myself to some of Will's instant Starbucks coffee (he bought the mocha kind - it was so yummy I didn't even need creamer but I used my Bailey's creamer anyway) and got to work. Dishes are halfway done, as is laundry (only doing sheets for now), but I was able to sweep and move quite a few boxes downstairs that had been taking up room in the foyer for months. I feel pretty damn good about today and it was only 3:30 when I decided to sit down and take a break. Shit son, I'm sore from moving that air conditioner downstairs too.

We've had a good day today too. As a result of my cleaning I was able to find both of his lost cat toys (three in the pack but the last one is forever lost under the refrigerator). I got him a new set but he hasn't totally taken to them yet. This picture is right before he fell asleep on his little mountain of pillows. He's had a long day of playing. <3

His surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. It's been probably a decade since I had a cat neutered and this is going to be the first time I'm in charge of arrangements (not my mom) so it's kind of new territory for me. We're not getting him declawed, so I just hope the surgery goes smoothly and we can bring him home the same day. I love him so much. (>_<)

I started in my new position Monday and so far, so good. I'm kind of juggling two jobs but it's not a terrible thing because as of right now I'm not doing much outside of minor bouts of training, and my old job often left me looking for more work to do anyway.

Think it's time to switch out laundry and watch the latest PLL. \:D/