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ennui

Mad Men - Don's apartment
I've realized there are two types of boredom in life.

Short-term boredom is the usual, everyday boredom. It can be cured with a video game. A book. A TV show or movie. Hanging out with friends.

I've been experiencing long-term boredom. It happens when you find yourself stuck in the rut of everyday, unchanging routine. It leads me to commit acts of complete spontaneity, like deciding to chat up the new guy at work simply because I can, or reaching out to old friends I never truly got along with.

I cannot be here anymore. I need to make a change. My job is slowly killing me. Winter is taking its toll, even though I feel more prepared for it this year. Bowser isn't as snuggly as normal. He's gotten jealous of Jane and it seems like he doesn't sleep in the bed with me much now.

Maybe I should have upped my dosage after all.

Tags:

summertime and the livin is easy

LIZ LISA - girl with hat
I'm here, I'm alive, I've never been better.

I keep meaning to post a bigger update but I have loads of distractions. I'm playing about 4-5 different PS3 games, have a brand new iPhone 4s with my Kairosoft apps, my best friend is in town for a month from Sweden with her bb girl (my niece!), and I'm juggling about 5-6 different boys along with work and most recently, being sick with a cold and twisting my ankle (which has gotten better).

But I'm loving life and I have my trusty kitty cat lazing next to me.

I'm trying to sell some things right now, so if you're interested in anything, check out pikojapansales .

I'm also trying to sell this denki jisho and am willing to negotiate the price in a reasonable manner:
clicky-clicky

i want nyannyan snuggles

Ichikawa Yui - pretty blue
The best thing to come out of my failed relationship, aside from all of the great things that happened when he broke up with me...



...was this little guy.

Next month he'll be a year old. I can't believe how big he's gotten.

I'm trying

Misfits - Simon/Alisha
In a mere matter of weeks, everything has been reversed.

We're broken up again. He only wants to be friends for now. I knew things were moving too fast before. But I was happy. And he seemed happy. But he wasn't getting better. And I've relapsed.

I'm taking it so, so hard.

I'm trying not to pop too many pills.

I'm trying not to start an addiction.

I'm trying to remember my cat needs me.

I'm trying not to swallow all of my meds with a bottle of NyQuil.

I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't do anything but cry. I'm stuck.

We'll be together again someday. I know we will. We're perfect together. But I didn't think I'd have to do any more waiting after last time.

knocked down, cried out

Heart batter
There's been a lot going on with Will. My medications. I'm happier, generally. I felt like life was getting better.

Then my mom called me on April 1st to tell me French Fry has cancer. It was not an April Fool's joke. And I didn't even bother asking because that's just...cruel, and as crazy as my mom is, she wouldn't do that to me.

This has been at the forefront of my mind. I wanted to come down that weekend but knew I had to prepare for my apartment inspection, so I made plans to come down the weekend after. Knowing that my mom would be in Iowa helped sweeten it. I'd get time with my Frenchie and not have to deal with her shenanigans.

At first I fought it. I asked about operation options. I knew money was an issue with my mom since she filed for bankruptcy, but I was fully prepared to look into my options and whip out my credit cards. Anything for my baby, my best friend. But my mom talked me out of it, and I accepted our decision. He's a cat and he wouldn't understand why we'd be putting him through so much pain, and besides, she said, the cancer's spread through his body. All we can do is make his last days happy and comfortable, and take comfort ourselves in knowing that he has had a VERY good life where he has been loved and doted upon.

I thought I'd be prepared to see him but the minute I came inside and hugged him I felt nothing but bones. He's lost so much weight - the cat I once referred to as Chunkers McFlufferton now has a spine that I can feel every bone on. The worst was when I went to feed him, though. He opened his mouth twice to speak but nothing came out. And then it happened - a weak, weak, high-pitched cry. It should have been no different from the past - where he would whine for food whenever someone was in the kitchen - but now it sounds so desperate and sad. I broke down immediately realizing how weak he really was and reality set in.

It was a rough night for me. I couldn't stop crying. Back when my mom would allude to French Fry dying one day in the future (yeah, one of many reasons I don't like talking with her), I would brush her off and tell her he was invincible and would never die. In the back of my mind I knew I was fronting, but I never thought he would go like this. I thought he'd live to the ripe old age of 17 or 18 and just...die of old age. Not cancer at age 12/13.

I had to help him up into bed, but we snuggled all night until sleeping, when he jumped off the bed as he always did in the past. I found him in the morning sleeping on the living room rug, then had my heart broken continuously as he meowed for breakfast in the kitchen, fed him, and we cuddled more while I ate breakfast and watched Spongebob.

I spent much of the day with Nancy and my cousins but couldn't stop thinking about him. I finally got home around 6:00 after dinner. Fed him again, and then he came to visit me on the couch. He seemed to have some of his energy back and looked like he wanted to jump up on the couch but was still unable to, so I picked him up. (;o;) But he's sleeping now on my legs, which have fallen asleep.



He's still the French Fry I adored for the past decade and then some. I don't know if this will be the last weekend I get to see him. It would be great if his appetite came back more, but I know that's not how it works with cancer, especially in cats. I just want him to be happy, and I know hanging out with him and giving him loves and snuggles are all he wants.

koi wa baby, aji wa baby~ koi wa miruku aji

Misfits - Simon/Alisha
It's been a while since Valentine's Day, but Will got me chocolate and flowers for the first time in our relationship. He made me a steak dinner and we went out to Warm Bodies that Friday. Pretty good day.

We've had a few date nights when we can since Thursday night, and we negotiated with Trav to take the morning part of his Saturday shift so we could have a morning together. It was well needed. I'm taking tomorrow morning off; Tuesdays kind of suck because he has to work until close but I feel more at ease now. And work hasn't been great for him lately either. But we'll get by. We always do. <3

Bowser somehow opened a hole up in the fabric protecting our bed foundation (the side facing the floor, which is elevated by a metal frame). For a while I thought it was only the foot of the bed, and the wooden planks inside still made it difficult to peer into. I figured he had a bunch of toys stashed away in there. We often hear him scratching at the inside of the foundation, and Will joked one morning that Bowser has been hard at work. It gives new meaning to "monster under the bed."

Last night I dropped something behind the bed, so I had to pull it out from the wall to find it. Upon doing this I realized that the entire wall-side of the foundation fabric seam has been torn off...and I was able to get a good look at Bowser's hiding place.

Did I say hiding place?

It's his lair.

He was laying in it when I discovered I could look in. There are little cotton balls everywhere, probably what he's tearing down whenever I hear his scratching at the sides. (Occasionally he'll walk around with them in his mouth and I'll have to pull them out - I wondered where they were coming from.) It was like looking at a hoarder's place. XD I wish I could take pictures and share. It was kind of a shock seeing this side of my cat. He looked a little bit annoyed with me when I was gaping in awe at his cat-cave. Surprisingly, no toys were found within the foundation.

I was so excited to show Will. I've never seen anything like it before. He was just as amused by it as I was.

When my tax refund came in I ordered Bowz a small kitty condo (it's more of a scratching post with a little cubby) that should be here tomorrow, but we're also supposed to have a snowstorm. I've been so excited about it but probably won't get it until Wednesday. =(

I'll come back to rant about work later this week. Hopefully things will quiet down when I don't have to be setting up interviews anymore.

productivity at its finest

LIZ LISA - white sundress
Thank god I woke up this morning at a decent time and with the proper mindset of "cleaning." Last weekend was a bust due to girl problems, but the times before that I woke up and didn't feel like doing anything but play games. Today I woke up, took a quick shower, helped myself to some of Will's instant Starbucks coffee (he bought the mocha kind - it was so yummy I didn't even need creamer but I used my Bailey's creamer anyway) and got to work. Dishes are halfway done, as is laundry (only doing sheets for now), but I was able to sweep and move quite a few boxes downstairs that had been taking up room in the foyer for months. I feel pretty damn good about today and it was only 3:30 when I decided to sit down and take a break. Shit son, I'm sore from moving that air conditioner downstairs too.



We've had a good day today too. As a result of my cleaning I was able to find both of his lost cat toys (three in the pack but the last one is forever lost under the refrigerator). I got him a new set but he hasn't totally taken to them yet. This picture is right before he fell asleep on his little mountain of pillows. He's had a long day of playing. <3

His surgery is scheduled for Tuesday. It's been probably a decade since I had a cat neutered and this is going to be the first time I'm in charge of arrangements (not my mom) so it's kind of new territory for me. We're not getting him declawed, so I just hope the surgery goes smoothly and we can bring him home the same day. I love him so much. (>_<)

I started in my new position Monday and so far, so good. I'm kind of juggling two jobs but it's not a terrible thing because as of right now I'm not doing much outside of minor bouts of training, and my old job often left me looking for more work to do anyway.

Think it's time to switch out laundry and watch the latest PLL. \:D/

this weekend already feels like a bust

Sugizaki Megumi - lolita go home!
The flu started here a week and a half ago, on Thursday, with Will. I managed to make it to the following Tuesday before giving in but because we medicated it the day my symptoms appeared, I really didn't deal with it more than a few days. I did miss a couple days of work. Somehow, weekends in the middle of the week when you're passed out on the couch just aren't as fun.

Our washer stopped working the weekend before I got sick. I had planned Saturday as a major cleaning day and when I realized my clothes were just marinating in soap and water (not spinning), that made the whole day go to shit. (That was also the day Will got diagnosed and we spent two hours at the clinic. Waiting.) I've been without clean laundry for over a week now and even though Will's dad got us a new washer (and dryer!), none of us have been healthy enough to move it in. It was supposed to happen today but his dad got sick again so now it's looking like it won't happen until Tuesday.

blaaaargh. Luckily I have enough clothes that it doesn't entirely matter; it just means I have to be a bit more creative with my ensembles.

so that's been my time lately. And The Sims 3 again. Lots of it. (=_______=)

bweee (>w<)

Chi - I can haz pancakes
You know how when cats are sleeping, they sometimes bring their upper paws up around their head and squeeze them in (as if the opposite of stretching)?

My finger just got caught in one of those moments. My squee levels are immeasurable.

\:D/

I have more things to say and comments to reply to, so I'll get to those later this week.

cat owner problems

Kuroki Meisa - unlocked
Hooray, everything worked out with Will's job so we'll both be headed to STL tomorrow (^o^) We've actually never done a car ride that's longer than two hours so it could be interesting =/ My car speakers are pretty much busted too (because that popping noise is oh so pleasant) so we're planning on bringing his new iPod speakers to test out.

But wah, I'm worried about leaving Bowser by himself. Will's brother is going to come over and make sure he has enough food and water for the two and a half days we'll be gone, but Bowser already gets super lonely during the day when we're not home, so how is he going to handle an entire weekend? I want to cry thinking about it (._.) The closer tomorrow gets, the more I am seriously considering taking him with us, even though I was very quick to shoot my mom down when she cautiously asked if I'd be bringing him (hoping I'd say no, but asking anyway). There's no way I could just take him out of his home and into some other weird place with a different litter box and scents and GASP - other kitties. Besides, I can't do that to Frenchie. (>_<);; It's bad enough I'm going to come in smelling like some other cat, but to actually bring him? Siiigh. I can't win.

So now Bowser and I are snuggling in bed (what's new) and I'm trying my hardest not to bawl. It's only until Sunday.

I've kind of had to change up his diet a little bit. He's been brought up on this one brand of dry kitten food but from day one, we would feed it to him and he would puke it up 75% of the time. I wondered if it was allergies or something, but if he's been raised on the stuff, that isn't it, right? I'm chalking it up to eating too quickly (he's like French Fry, geesh), so I've just been feeding him a little bit at a time. We did have a small can of wet kitten food that he ate with no problem, so after one of us gets paid I'm gonna go buy more.

I've been playing waaaay more SR3 lately - I think I logged a total of six or seven hours today alone (x___X) It's so much fun, but it seems a bit short. I'm flying through the story missions faster than I'd like so I'm doing a ton of the side missions too. I might see if Will's brother will let me borrow the second game too =3

It suddenly got very cold here - it went from a nice, pleasant, 65 degree morning to a HOLY FUCK MY TOES 40 degrees out, thanks to a rainstorm. UGHHHHHHHHHH IOWA.